#year4 au

[appalamutte]

the second installment to my “jack realizes his feelings for bitty before graduation and confides in camilla over it” universe! 

(read the first part here)

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“Hey, Bittle.”

Jack’s standing in the doorway, arms crossed and forehead crinkled with a frown. Eric immediately snaps his textbook shut — any distraction from amino acids and their covalent bonds is a welcomed one — and smiles from where he’s perched on his bed. “Hey, Jack.”

“Euh, what’re—,” Jack clears his throat and leans against the doorframe, “what’re you doing?”

“Oh, y’know, just dealing with your favorites.” Eric gestures loosely at the notecards scattered around him.

Jack somehow looks more lost at that, eyebrows deeply furrowing and biting his lip almost painfully hard.

“Proteins,” Eric clarifies, and he shifts to sit up straighter in bed. “Everything okay?”

Jack startles, somewhat, and looks — looks scared, Eric thinks. Scared with a light red hue high on his cheeks. Eric’s heart clenches and he wants to get up, to comfort Jack, because suddenly Jack is all the more caving inward on himself with slumped shoulders and clenched fists. It wouldn’t be that weird to go over and hug him. It shouldn’t be weird. They’re friends, and friends comfort one another. But Eric’s body is stuck to his bed, too caught up in these stupid feelings he doesn’t need that are getting in the way of one of the best friendships he’s ever had, and if there were ever a time he’d wished to be different, be better, it’s right now.

Before he can make up his mind on what to do, Jack gets out with a slightly strained voice: “You saw Camilla?”

Eric blinks. He hasn’t forgotten his encounter with Camilla Collins from last week. If anything, he’s turned that memory over so many times in his head, late at night or when he’s in class or walking home from Faber, trying to make sense of it and what she said. There’s been a small uptick in pies and cookies from it, even. If any of the team’s noticed, they haven’t said anything, and the desserts are always gone by morning.

“Yeah, last week. She’s such a sweet thing, introduced herself and invited me to one of her matches and everything,” he says, and he has to look away, down to his hands in his lap. Jack’s shoulders seemed to relax, and if it only takes Camilla’s name being brought up to comfort him, well — Eric picks at his cuticle.

“She is,” Jack agrees. Eric takes a deep breath. “Anyway, she didn’t bother you, did she?”

Eric whips his head up at that. “Lord, Jack, not at all!” Eric almost wishes she was a bother to him, so then it’d be easier to not like her. “She was the sweetest, I’m telling you.”

“Good.” Jack finally uncrosses his arms but doesn’t move from the doorway. “She said you were nice, and that you were—euh...,” Jack’s cheeks flush a bright pink, “...cute.”

“Oh lord, she didn’t,” Eric laughs out. He can feel heat all over his face, down his neck and up into his ears. When Jack just nods while avoiding eye contact, Eric nearly jumps out of his skin. “She did!” He nearly squeaks out, voice breaking, and he runs a hand up through his hair in a lame attempt to hide his face.

Only, the movement draws Jack’s attention there, and if it’s possible, both their cheeks turn even brighter.

Lord have mercy, Eric can’t be doing this. He’s making Jack feel so awkward, and he’s sure Jack’s uncomfortable with how his face just won’t stop being so red. On top of all that, Jack came in to talk about something that seemed to really be bothering him, and now Eric’s gone and ruined that moment with his own nerves. It hurts, the guilt that runs cold through Eric’s chest, and it hurts more to know that Jack came here for whatever reason because he trusted Eric, and Eric shot it all down.

“Look, Jack,” he quickly says, “did you need anything? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” Jack is looking everywhere but at Eric now, and Eric hates himself. “I just wanted to check in, make sure you were alright with Camilla. I didn’t want her scaring you or anything.”

Eric nods, and like a sharp tightness in his throat, finally understands what all this is about. The blushing, the stiff awkwardness, Jack looking like he’d rather be anywhere else but here. He’s interested in Camilla — again — and wants Eric’s approval, because they’re friends now. Friends want each other’s support, and as much as it paralyzes him to do so, Eric will give it to him.

He’ll give anything for Jack.

Smiling, maybe wobbly around the edges, Eric meets Jack’s eyes. “Jack,” he starts, slow to keep the rolling wave of overwhelming emotions at bay, “I think she’s perfect.”

Jack doesn’t look sure on what’s going on, still, so Eric pushes onward to make sure Jack understand that he’s okay with whatever Jack wants. “Like I said, she’s so sweet, and funny, and gosh, just plain gorgeous. And she’s lucky, I’d say, because she has you.”

“Bittle, what are you doing?”

Eric sighs. “I’m telling you that whatever you decide on, I’m here for you. If Camilla’s a part of whatever it is you’re trying to work through, then you’ve got one heck of a partner in her.”

His heart’s racing so hard it almost hurts. There’s a burning behind his eyes, a burning in the top of his throat, a burning everywhere, and he needs to finish this before he breaks down.

Jack opens his mouth but Eric continues before he can speak.

“So like, I also get that this is your captainly duty to check in on me, and I really do appreciate that. So much.” Eric’s face flames at the truth and he clears his throat. “And I really do like Camilla, she’s sweet and like I said, y’all are the perfect partner for each other for whatever’s going on.”

Eric twists his hands together and makes sure his voice isn’t wet when he continues: “But I have an exam coming up with these proteins that I have to pass, and as much as you tell me to eat my protein, well I — I can’t eat these, so I have to ingest this information some other way, and...”

Eric honestly can’t breathe. He cannot believe he just said that. Jack’s looking at him, mouth agape and arms hanging almost limply at his sides, like he’s dumbstruck and lost and doesn't know what to do, and it shouldn’t be so endearing. But it is, so Eric closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and when he opens them, he levels Jack with the most reassuring and composed smile he can muster.

“I’m just going to get back to studying, okay?”

Jack’s nod is slow, and he’s still blushing, the poor boy.

“If y’all get hungry later on, I’ll come whip up something for supper. Make sure you tell the boys that.”

Jack just nods again. Eric finally gets his whits and he stands, moving to close his door. Jack does nothing but steps back into the hall, and before he can do anything else, Eric gently closes the door with a weakening smile.

As soon as it latches shut, Eric runs back to his bed, falls heavily onto his pile of notecards, and cries into his pillow.